The way you show up to have a conversation is how others will show up – I explain this to every client I work with. Let’s think about this – we are all experts at personalising situations. Remember the last time your boss or your colleague or your spouse showed up and you knew immediately what kind of mood they were in? They didn’t have to say a single word, and yet, your immediate impulse was to check in with yourself – what have I done?
We’re experts on reading other people’s actions, and others know how to read ours. But how aware are we of our own actions?
Others will listen when they feel connected to you, and your connection begins within the first few seconds of coming together. If your thoughts and intentions don’t align with your actions, these signals will be decoded by others at a very low level of trust.
Neuroscience now shows that within 7 seconds the brain determines if you are a friend or foe based on your body language, which is created by your thoughts and feelings – negative thoughts – negative body language – positive thoughts – positive body language. The way you show up will be the way others show up.
Your ability to be heard also depends on your habits of connection, Julian Treasure in his TED talk – “How to speak so people will listen” calls these habits the 7 Deadly sins.
- Judging – speaking ill of others
- Negativity – negative people are hard to listen to
- Complaining – viral misery – listen to the story you tell
- Excuses –always blaming others
- Exaggeration – over embellishing the truth which ends up becoming lies
- Dogmatism – My way – confusion of fact with opinion
Your habits of speaking powerfully can change your relationships and influence those around you.
- Honesty – being true, straight and clear
- Authenticity – be yourself, why try and be someone else
- Integrity – be your word – Your actions tell the truth
- Love – wishing people well and not judging