You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.
Conversations are not what we think they are. We mostly tell people what’s on our mind or what to do, share a story or information. Conversations are interactive and dynamic, they evolve and impact the way we connect to one another. Conversations help us influence and shape reality and mindsets in a collaborative way. Conversational Intelligence is what separates those who are successful from those who are not – in business, relationships and in marriages – one conversation at a time.
My passion for conversations started at a very early age. I came to this country at age five and learnt to speak English at school. My parents were not schooled in English, our language at home was always Italian, our parents spoke in Italian and I responded in English -translation was never easy.
It wasn’t until I started running my own business at the age of twenty-one that I learnt my greatest lessons. Conversations were an integral part of my business, and my clients and team were my teachers. To this day, I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned and am still learning.
Over the many years of working in the business world, I have discovered that conversations are essential to an organisation. The ability to created shared meaning about what needs to be done and why, so that employees get excited and are clear about the future they are helping to create together.
Words create our worlds and Judith E. Glaser in her work with many organisations discovered that when we change just one or two words in a conversation we change everything. Paying close attention to our non-verbal cues and we become more sensitive to the impact they are having. What happens at the moment of contact defines the relationship. Putting our relationships before task means we don’t only partner with our people, we build high levels of TRUST which Judith called the Neuroscience of WE.
The Neuroscience of WE – Building Skills That Achieve Results
To help teams get to the root of an issue Judith developed a program that taught people the skills to Achieve Results – which I have often used in my work with clients.
STAR SKILLS
Skills That Achieve Results
- Build Rapport – focuses on getting on the same wavelength with the person you are talking with. We create rapport instinctively, it is our natural defence from conflict. Our body language plays a big part in building rapport, how we show up, others will show up. Watch how people communicate and build rapport in the work place when having a conversation – are they relaxed, open and welcoming or guarded and closed?
- Listening without judgement – paying full attention to the other person while they are speaking and resisting the need to judge or reject, formulate your response in your mind. Research confirms that we go in and out of listening every 18 seconds. Make yourself available to what the other person is really saying.
- Asking discovery questions – open your mind to the power of curiosity, as well as the possibility of changing our views as we listen and learn. Be open and receptive to understanding the other persons point of view.
- Dramatise your message – this creates a healthy trusting relationship. Try different ways to communicate. Telling a story or using a metaphor. When you fully understand the other person, you are more likely to get back what you give.
- Celebrate success – focuses us on seeing and validating “What success looks like” and a commitment to celebrate when this is achieved. Appreciate one another’s point of view.
The words we use in conversations are rarely neutral. Words have histories formed by years of use. These words get activated during conversations and by understanding how words trigger different parts of the brain and stimulate behaviours and habits, you can develop and grow your Conversational Intelligence to build a healthier, more resilient organisation.
