How To Get Seen When You Feel Totally Invisible

In May 2012, I packed up my life after spending 30 years living in Canberra for a life in Sydney. I had a successful business, a beautiful apartment looking over the lake – and I was really excited to be starting a new life in Sydney.

What I didn’t consider was that the success that I had achieved in Canberra was not going to necessarily follow me to Sydney.

I had started my Coaching study a few years before and was excited to start my practice in Sydney – I had gone from being totally visible to being totally invisible. I soon realised that the coaching market in Sydney was quite crowded and I felt like a tiny fish in a huge ocean. Having grown a business before I knew what I had to do – but nothing came easy. I started to feel discouraged and a little defeated and I knew I was not going to survive if I didn’t change how I was thinking.

I created the model below to track my journey – going from feeling totally invisible to feeling empowered.

I was invisible and miserable.

I was the one that had to CHANGE something or I would remain insignificant.

I changed my thinking and my BEHAVIOUR, I started to feel adequate and believable.

I developed a PURPOSE.

I felt credible and validated.

I built a PROFILE.

I become visible and respected.

I got clear about who I wanted to be and how I could be of service to others.

I created INFLUENCE with the work I was doing and gaining confidence again.

I felt visible and able to Impact again through my work as a coach – not only did I feel empowered – I was helping others feel empowered as well.

 

Where are you on this pyramid?

How visible do you feel?

 

Here are 3 things to examine if you want to become more visible:

  1. Who you are – Self-awareness enables us to examine the way we see ourselves, our attitudes and our behaviours, our map of how we see the world. Our behaviour and how we make our decisions.
  2. What you believe – Our beliefs shape every aspect of who we are, from body language to the actions we choose to undertake. The presence we want to demonstrate, the values we want to convey and how that matches up with how others perceive us.
  3. How you are remembered – How we use our presence to influence others. To be inspiring and to inspire others: standing out and being noticed for our personal integrity and our ability to generate trust.

Click this link to book a free 30-minute call

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed when others around you need you to focus on them?

How can you focus on others when at times
it can be so hard to focus on yourself?

Whether you’re currently at home or at the office – how do you manage others when you are struggling to manage yourself? 

At a time when there are no lines of differentiation between the various roles in life, what are your coping strategies?

As a very proud mother of an emerging artist who was getting ready for her first ever exhibition, I watched my daughter struggle over the last few weeks and almost give up the most important time in her life, in service of others.

The stress kicked in when the state of Victoria went into lock down and her art exhibition was relegated to an online opening. She couldn’t use her studio and was home schooling her 7-year-old daughter. Competing for space at home and having the busyness of the family around while trying to paint and get her exhibition pieces finished in time was nothing short of exhausting. She’d find herself painting till the small hours of the morning when the house was still and quiet, crawling into bed knowing that in a few hours she would have to show up for her family, start home schooling and maintain equilibrium just for her family to function. 

When we get into a stressed state, it is difficult to think clearly.  Routine tasks can be too hard to deal with, fear kicks in and we become immobilised. Taking action becomes difficult and what we would normally do to deal with a particular situation goes out the window.

Fortunately my daughter was open to support from family and friends – asking for what she needed and just talking it through – which got her through.

In the end, the exhibition was a great success and my daughter sold almost all her work.

This story is just one of the many out there of people being full time mothers, fathers, teachers, nurtures, carers, managers and team leaders – all of whom have little time to self-care.

American Author Bruce Barton wrote – “Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things … I am tempted to think, there are no little things”. 

How do I do it? I don’t have children at home and have an independent husband who is able to take care of his own needs. Yet like many – I still struggle. 

I have to remind myself every day, that the only thing that I can control is me. I do the things that I know will influence my health and my thinking, focusing on moving forward and doing something each day that makes me feel good. I feel blessed working with my clients and being part of their progress.

I have been running the Leadership Principles Program based on The 7th Habit of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey for the last three years.  Each time I run this program, I embody the principles more and more.  Covey wrote the quote “To know and not to do – is not to know”.   Applying these principles is a habit like any other. The idea is to start and practice consistently, no matter how little the steps are.

The 7th Habit is about self-care.

SHARPEN THE SAW – The Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal. Here – Covey talks about the Four Dimensions of Renewal.

Taking some simple steps towards renewal will give you the feeling of being in control of your body, mind and spirit.

I have shared a few examples of what I do to renew:

Physical.
I do between 20 to 30 minutes of yoga in the morning and if I don’t have time for yoga, I do a 7-minute workout from an app on my phone. I limit my caffeine, drink more water and eat clean. I try and get out in nature each day for a walk or just get some sun on my face. And I aim for 8 hours sleep a night

Mental.
I read to improve my skills as a coach and listen to something inspiring while I’m getting ready for work. I plan my day and promise myself I won’t get distracted (not easy for me).

Social/Emotional.
It is important for me to connect with people each day, be it friends, family, clients or my community. This does take extra effort when you are feeling isolated and we are so lucky that there are many different ways now to connect.

Spiritual.
Currently I am doing a 21-day meditation with Deepak Chopra – it is about 10 mins a day, sometimes in the morning or during the day or even before I go to sleep.
I journal my thoughts; to be grateful for my day, or set an intention or just note down my aspirations. It keeps me focused

Stephen Covey died in 2012, at the time of his death, he was named one of the most influential people in the world. In his final interview, he had this to say:

“Change itself has changed. It’s accelerated beyond anything any of us ever imagined. Technology revolutions seem to occur hourly. We grapple with economic uncertainty. Global power relations can shift dramatically and overnight. And much of the world is terror stricken, both psychologically and literally”

2020 has changed us all in some way – that is certain…… and

The smallest change can make the biggest difference.

Even When You Think Things Are Different – They Can Sometimes Feel The Same

“The world has changed – the world is more complex, more stressful, more demanding. We face challenges in our personal life, our families and our work unimagined even a decade ago. These challenges and problems are not only of a new order of magnitude, they are altogether different in kind.

These words were written by Stephen Covey in his forward to ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ in 2004 – Covey also talks about a few common human challenges we face. 

Fear and insecurity, blame and victimisation, ‘I want it now’, hopelessness, lack of life balance, ‘what’s in it for me’, hunger to be understood, conflict and differences and personal stagnation.

Can this be as real today as it was in 2004? Hell yeah!!

How are you feeling about life today?  The answer to this question will be different for every person.

For me – I am taking one day at a time. I know that if I worry too much about the future I will block myself from being proactive and moving forward. I made the decision to close my fashion business in 2008 when the world crashed financially and nobody wanted to buy anything.  It took me five years to get over that time emotionally and my health took a deep dive. So now I make choices day by day. I do what I can to look forward. 

I recently read an article written by Jess Pollard on R U OK?  Her answer to that question was: 

“No – I was not OK.”

Its well worth the read.

 

Lately I have had the privilege of completing some one on one sessions with a few members of a team who were finding the constant changes difficult to manage. Their struggle was the feeling of disconnection, not knowing what was going to happen next, everything was unpredictable. Talking through these challenges and understanding what they could control and what they could manage and how they could influence, put things back into perspective.

Getting perspective of what is happening is different for everyone – we all have our own maps of the world and what is easy for one person to grasp, can be very difficult for someone else. We interpret the world based on our own experiences and beliefs. 
Our challenge is not to judge. Making an assumption on how others should behave is based on our own thinking and beliefs and is generally how we would handle a situation. Remember they are not you.

Habit 5 of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is to Seek first to understand, then be understood. It is the principle of Empathic Communication. The best way to understand others is to ask questions. The better you get at asking question and not making judgements and assumptions the better you get at building trust.

Taking time to understand how others are feeling, creating some empathy and listening to the other persons point of view, can absolutely change the way that person sees the situation.

If you would like talk through an issue you are finding challenging – click on this link to book a free 30-minute call.

R U OK?

Managers aren’t born – Managers are made.

Good management starts and ends with communication.

Communication is critically important because communication drives every human interaction – managing, leading, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, persuasion, relating, wealth creation, expertise, etc. In each of these domains, the quality of your communication is the quality of your experience, your skill, and your expertise.

(My teacher in Meta-Coaching) Michael Hall – constantly writes about professional communication, and now more than ever before, one of the most important skills in business and management, is to communicate constantly and consistently. Your people need to know and understand what is going on – in business today there are so many unknowns and the landscape is constantly changing. Through regular clear and transparent communication, you will keep your people psychologically safe, they won’t make up their own stories of what is actually going on.

Your success as a manager will depend on the quality of the culture created within your teams, which will depend on the quality of the relationships you foster, which depend on the conversations you have – because everything happens in the conversation.

People in management positions need to know so much more than the skills they have developed to do their job. Managers need to be developed, nurtured, trained, coached, empowered, refined and maintained, so that they can take care of the people they are leading. The soft skills once thought of as a bit fluffy are now crucial to lead business.

Managing people is a very different proposition – what are the skills needed to manage people?

Fundamentally as a manager the core skills of communication, self-management, language, tone, clarity, the ability to listen and not judge and understanding that people see the world not as it is, but as they are. People are meaning making machines, they will make meaning of what is said based on their own beliefs and experiences in life. How do make sure you are understood? Get great at asking the right questions.

Know your audience, understand that what you say is not what they hear. Use clean  language, know the outcome you want, have the ability to gauge how it will be received and have an understanding of how your message will be responded to.

As a manager you have the capacity to change the conversation in your workplace.

Managers aren’t born – Managers are made.

___________________________________

As a facilitator of positive change, I work with you to identify roadblocks and blind spots, challenge limiting habits and beliefs, and push towards excellence on every front.  If you are ready for some assistance and guidance book here.

An Opportunity For Today And Tomorrow

During my 30 + years in business I have experienced a lot of ups and downs. When I first started in business I felt invincible. I knew if I worked hard, looked after my clients all  would be well – failure was not an option, nor did it enter my head.
Like many of you I experienced the GFC, I was in the fashion business – wow what a massive halt to trading that was!!! – the department stores flooded the market with cheap goods just when I was receiving all my stock from Europe and every client I called at the time said they weren’t buying.
After a massive panic and then coming up for air, I realised I had to do something different or lose everything. I had a lot of knowledge and a big retail space so I looked for a positive and started running workshops on Personal Branding and that was the beginning of my survival.  It was such a valuable lesson for me – change the way you do things. Chase the positives and focus on what you can do to make a difference.
While working with my clients these last few weeks, the focus has been keeping safe, doing the right thing and looking for the gold nugget in this current situation. Not easy to begin with, because we are wired for danger and we go into fight or flight – our brains go into overdrive to keep us safe and we can’t think clearly.
After a coming out of my own crisis  and getting to a place where I could think clearly, I wanted to write  and share some of my thoughts with you:
One of the most important things to remember is that you still have control. You have control of your attitude the choices you make each day. Set small goals and be mindful of your habits. You can create routine and become intentional about what you will do each day. We can all remain proactive and productive.
This is not the time to sit on the couch and focus on the fear and the worry– it’s tough but it’s also a gift of time.
Can you think of all those things that you have said over the years that “when I have time I will……”
  •             Go for a walk each morning  
  •             Learn to cook healthy meals
  •             Read a great book
  •             Learn a new skill
  •             Do some personal development
What is it that will help you get ready for when we come through the other side of this situation?  Who will you be when it’s over?
Will you be filled with regret or are you going to be the person that continues to work on what they want and grab this opportunity which is before you?
I want to challenge you, to choose the latter …
This is a challenge for me too – as I haven’t done this before either.
Here are a few  things to help you though.
•   Build a routine around your day. Watch this
              
•   Plan your meals for the week look at Lee Holmes here
•   See if you can plan to shop once a fortnight
•   Check out Hello Fresh here
•   Exercise every day –  check out yoga here or a  7 minute workout here
•   Live with intention watch this.

The Power of Living An Intentional Life

Intentions are your GOALS mixed with passion
and a powerful desire to achieve them

Re-Invention requires self-evaluation and a new self-awareness.

Redesigning your life takes a very clear set of INTENTIONS, it’s the starting point to becoming aware of your current situation and noticing your habits, what motivates you, what serves you and what doesn’t.

Your intention is very different to what you give your attention to. It is very easy to get caught up giving your attention to what is happening around you, the same way children and animals do, it’s what distracts you from what you should be doing. On the other hand, if you have a very clear intention – I want to buy a new car – and put all your attention and focus to it, your brain will organise a very clear picture of what you want and you will suddenly start seeing the car everywhere. In neuroscience it is called your RAS – your Reticular Activating System.

Therefore, it is essential that you develop a laser-beam focus on what you want , so that you can direct your attention at the primary level to be aligned with your intentions. When you can do that, you have the foundation for personal empowerment, namely, self-discipline, the ability to get yourself to do what you say you’re going to do and what you intend to do.

These two facets of consciousness (intention and attention) describe what’s on your mind (attention) and what’s in the back of your mind (intention). To live attentionally is to live only in the moment and only about whatever is happening right now in sensory awareness around you, also know as the practice of mindfulness. You can read more about Mindfulness HERE

Your intentionality operates like a secret power behind your thinking-feeling and other fundamental powers. Intentionality sets your direction, you decide on your values, you choose your meanings, your understandings. It is here that you make your executive decisions, where you operate by choice and become the author of your own life.

Question: If intentionality is so powerful, then why do we not see everybody accessing and operating from this power?

Because it takes practice, clarity and choice to lay down the habit of living intentionally.

4 things you can practice:

  1.  Get clear about what you want – practice writing things down
  2. Make a plan for the next 12 months, if that’s too far away for you do 6 months or 3 months even one month if that’s all you can plan.
  3. Plan each day with an intention on what you want to do that day.
  4. Practice gratitude for all that you achieved and all that you have

Practice these things on a daily basis and watch the world change around you.

“When you change the way you look at things
The things you look at change”
Wayne Dyer


If you want 2020 to be your best year ever, join me for the Self Awareness Workshop in Canberra and Sydney and begin to create your future.

The Power of Self Awareness

Are you missing opportunities in your Business or Professional life?

Whether it’s personal, professional, spiritual, physical or any other domain of life we will explore techniques to help build your true character and presence so that you can positively impact and influence the people in your life.

Presence is difficult to define, very real, and can have a substantial impact on your career and life. Presence has everything to do with character and little to do with personality. Solidifying and communicating a clear Presence is a skill that can be learned and continuously developed.

Personal Presence is about getting you seen, heard and remembered for what you do.

Self-Awareness is about getting you seen, heard and remembered for who you are and what you do…

This For you if:
  • You Manage other people
  • Find it hard to Self Manage
  • Take control of your day
  • Are tired of not been seen or heard
  • Challenged by difficult conversations
  • Need to have more influence
  • Improve your reputation

 

Tue, Nov 12, 2019
9:30 AM – 4:30 PM AEST
Ondina Studio, Suite 904 – Level 9
122 Arthur Street North Sydney
North Sydney, NSW 2060
Fri, Nov 8, 2019
9:30 AM – 4:30 PM AEST
East Hotel
Canberra Avenue, Kingston
Canberra, ACT 2600

Why I do what I do.

There comes a time in one’s life when the purpose for working changes and I feel that time has come for me. It is the right time for me to give back to business what it gave to me: freedom, joy, opportunities, lessons and challenges, all of which have enriched my life.

As a businesswoman, mentor and coach, I have worked for many years with clients in the Skin Care, Fashion and Mentoring space and the number one reason clients wanted to work with me is to gain more confidence. Confidence comes from clarity and persistence, having courage and the conviction to hold onto your dream. It’s the person you become along the way.

My transition into the mentoring and coaching came when I moved to Sydney in 2011. I studied with the Institute of Executive Coaching and Leadership in Sydney and continue to study this subject every year.

I spend the majority of my time now, working one on one with my clients, running public workshops and working with business and corporates to create high visibility for their Key people.

WHAT OTHERS SAY

Thank you for your amazing leadership, instruction, teachings, wisdom, caring, honesty, empathy and pure hard work helping me through this course and across the past months Ondina – such a blessing to have been a part of this wonderful group of women!

Thank you ‘wonderful group of women’ I treasure the support you have unconditionally shared.

–H.F.

The Power of Relationships

Working with Judith E. Glaser for nearly 2 years on Conversational Intelligence was such a privilege – she trained hundreds of coaches all over the world in her lifelong work. Judith lost her fight with Cancer late last year. In her book, Conversational Intelligence Judith speaks about how we build relationships through conversation and how we build trust through those conversations.

Conversations are multidimensional, not linear – What we think, what we say, what we mean, what we hear and how we feel about it afterwards are the key to understanding and becoming aware how every conversation has impact. Positive or negative words carry emotional charge, they are triggers to past memories and experience. The more awareness we can bring to our language – the words we use in those first few seconds of a conversation can cause a connection to die or lead to a lifetime of mutual support and prosperity.

When I use her work in my Self-Awareness Workshops, I like to use the acronym of TRUST that Judith created, and I would like to share it with you here.

Cultivating great relationships is one of the surest ways to find more happiness and joy in your life. Recent studies show that those with a wide circle of friends and family live long, laugh more and worry less.

 

How do we Build Trust?

T – Transparency – Intention: How can I create a safe environment, be more transparent about desired outcomes, and share threats that may stand in the way?

Impact: What actions, thoughts or words will enable the other person to shift from protect to partner?

R – Relationship – Intention: How can I establish rapport; prime the conversation for mutual trust, openness, and respect; and establish a ‘power-with others’ context?

Impact: What actions, thoughts or words will enable us to listen, to connect and relax judgment of each other?

U – Understanding – Intention: How can I step into the other person’s shoes and see the world from their eyes: share what is on my mind, stay open and non-judgmental.

Impact: What actions, thoughts or words will bridge between our realities?

S – Shared Success Intention: How can I/we paint a picture of shared success – not just my success? How can I lower my ‘attachment to being right’, and elevate my curiosity about what is possible?

Impact: What can we say to reduce conflict and open a new view of mutual success?

T – Testing Assumption – Intention: How can I/we tell the truth with candour and caring? How can we identify Reality Gaps, and stay open to test assumptions?

Impact: What actions, thoughts or words will enable us to both ‘tell our truth’; What can I do to facilitate co creative conversation?

 

To get to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of the relationship, which depends on the quality of the conversation – everything happens in the conversation.

 

The Power of Knowing Yourself

How many times have you tried to get the outcomes you want in your life and try as you might, they don’t seem to come around?

Your outcomes don’t come from what you do, they come from who you are being, your identity, your self image. It is more about who you identify as which comes from how you grew up, what beliefs you have about yourself and the habits you have created.

For example, I grew up in Australia from the age of 3 from European parents – we spoke Italian at home so I didn’t learn to speak English until I went to school, so whilst I so desperately wanted to fit in and be Australian at school, my identity was Italian. For a long time I was stuck between two cultures until I was able to figure out who I wanted to be and learnt to appreciate both.

A big part of knowing yourself is to understand your values, what’s important to you. Your values are like your GPS, they keep you moving in the right direction, on track every single day. Understanding your values takes work, they are not just words you pick from a list. You have to be able to articulate your values, knowing when you are truly living them and when you’re not.

Values are the first step in getting to know yourself and creating true self-awareness.  You cannot celebrate something your not aware of, nor can you change thoughts and habits, stories and motives with out Self awareness.

I have spent a great deal of time researching how we choose and live our values and the deeper I research this subject, the deeper the meaning of values become.

The first part of the Self-Awareness workshop is spent exploring  your values and what they mean to you.

EARLY BIRD TICKETS HAVE BEEN EXTENDED TO OCTOBER 14

I have shared this Tony Robbins Video on Identity – How to Define yourself.

Join me for the next Self Awareness workshop that I am running in Sydney and Canberra in November.

The Way you are REMEMBERED – your attitude and character, your habits and behaviours, your beliefs and values, how you influence others.

The Power of Self Awareness

Are you missing opportunities in your Business or Professional life?

Whether it’s personal, professional, spiritual, physical or any other domain of life we will explore techniques to help build your true character and presence so that you can positively impact and influence the people in your life.

Presence is difficult to define, very real, and can have a substantial impact on your career and life. Presence has everything to do with character and little to do with personality. Solidifying and communicating a clear Presence is a skill that can be learned and continuously developed.

Personal Presence is about getting you seen, heard and remembered for what you do.

Self-Awareness is about getting you seen, heard and remembered for who you are and what you do…

Self-awareness allows you to challenge these 3 areas of your life:

The way you are SEEN – how you see the world and how the world sees you – First impressions, body language, dress, passion, energy and environment.

The Way you are HEARD – Your word choices, your thoughts, the way you sound and your ability to have meaningful conversations

The Way you are REMEMBERED – your attitude and character, your habits and behaviours, your beliefs and values, how you influence others.

 

EARLY BIRD TICKETS HAVE BEEN EXTENDED TO OCTOBER 14

Tue, Nov 12, 2019
9:30 AM – 4:30 PM AEST
Ondina Studio, Suite 904 – Level 9
122 Arthur Street North Sydney
North Sydney, NSW 2060
Fri, Nov 8, 2019
9:30 AM – 4:30 PM AEST
East Hotel
Canberra Avenue, Kingston
Canberra, ACT 2600

Why I do what I do.

There comes a time in one’s life when the purpose for working changes and I feel that time has come for me. It is the right time for me to give back to business what it gave to me: freedom, joy, opportunities, lessons and challenges, all of which have enriched my life.

As a businesswoman, mentor and coach, I have worked for many years with clients in the Skin Care, Fashion and Mentoring space and the number one reason clients wanted to work with me is to gain more confidence. Confidence comes from clarity and persistence, having courage and the conviction to hold onto your dream. It’s the person you become along the way.

My transition into the mentoring and coaching came when I moved to Sydney in 2011. I studied with the Institute of Executive Coaching and Leadership in Sydney and continue to study this subject every year.

I spend the majority of my time now, working one on one with my clients, running public workshops and working with business and corporates to create high visibility for their Key people.

WHAT OTHERS SAY

WOW!!! Wonderful for self-growth and having a clearer picture of who you are and what you want. Loved the connection with the other woman in a room full of trust.
Ondina, thank you for all your time and sharing all your knowledge and being the inspiring woman that you are.

–M.R.

When You Ignore Your Gut Instinct


Gut instinct rules
How our gut instincts impact our conversations and what to do about it.

 


We have all heard it said – listen to your gut, what does your gut tell you?

Have you ever had that gut feeling, that moment when you just knew?

Have you ever not listened to it and lived to regret it?

The gut sense is your basic human instinct. It is the collective intelligence of your cells all working synchronously to keep your body safe and in proper working order. Your gut offers feedback about how you feel about something, based on your past experiences and fears.

I remember just before Christmas last year, I had to pick up some dry-cleaning and I parked my car, grateful for a spot for 5 mins. I had a feeling to look back and check the sign and ignored it thinking its right across the road and it will be fine, only to come back to an inspector booking me. My dry-cleaning that day cost me $275.

We are hardwired with gut instincts that respond faster than we can think. We are hardwired for trust and distrust. It is the most primitive and oldest part of our social networks in our brains and our bodies.

It can happen so quickly that unless you are aware of that feeling, that gut reaction, you are likely to miss it. From my experience it can be as much as a flutter in your gut that signals you to stop and take notice. With practice I believe that you can learn to recognise, listen to and trust this momentary reaction, that feeling when you know!

 

Wikipedia defines it this way:

Instinct – a motor response initiated by the body totally controlled by an external stimulus. An instinct is by definition, a behavior.

Neuro Insights

Constantin Economo discovered a neuro network that enables us to connect with other human beings; a network that is embedded in our brain and in our gut. This network is what gives us our gut instincts.

When we are in conversation with others, even before we open our mouths, we size up and determine whether we trust or distrust them, and our gut instincts tell us whether the interaction is going to be safe

Neuroscience tells us that the gut is our 6th brain* – the gut brain is revolutionising medicine’s understanding of the links between digestion, mood, health and even the way we think. Scientists call this little brain the enteric nervous system (ENS).

Stress is correlated to having an imbalance of gut flora, some what caused by the foods that we eat. The better the quality the better the balance. Processed foods, too much alcohol and caffeine can disrupt the balance which then puts us out of balance.

90% of the body’s serotonin is located in the EC (enterochromaffin) cells of the GI track, where they regulate intestinal movements. This neurotransmitter helps regulate mood, appetite, and sleep. Serotonin also plays a role in cognition, specifically in learning and memory.

So what is the difference between Instinct and Intuition?

• Instinct is our innate inclination toward a particular behavior (as opposed to a learned response).

• A gut feeling—or a hunch—is a sensation that appears quickly in consciousness (noticeable enough to be acted on if one chooses to) without us being fully aware of the underlying reasons for its occurrence.

• Intuition is a process that gives us the ability to know something directly without analytic reasoning, bridging the gap between the conscious and non-conscious parts of our mind, and also between instinct and reason. Read more here.

 

Over the next few weeks, get In-touch with those moments that stop you for a split second and examine the feelings and the thoughts that come from  your gut. You may just be grateful you did.

* Judith E. Glaser Conversational Intelligence

Change One Thing, Change Everything

You never change things by fighting the existing reality.

To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.

 

BUCKMINSTER FULLER 

 

Conversations are not what we think they are. We mostly tell people what’s on our mind or what to do, share a story or information. Conversations are interactive and dynamic, they evolve and impact the way we connect to one another. Conversations help us influence and shape reality and mindsets in a collaborative way. Conversational Intelligence is what separates those who are successful from those who are not – in business, relationships and in marriages – one conversation at a time.

My passion for conversations started at a very early age.  I came to this country at age five and learnt to speak English at school. My parents were not schooled in English, our language at home was always Italian, our parents spoke in Italian and I responded in English -translation was never easy.

It wasn’t until I started running my own business at the age of twenty-one that I learnt my greatest lessons. Conversations were an integral part of my business, and my clients and team were my teachers. To this day, I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned and am still learning.

Over the many years of working in the business world, I have discovered that conversations are essential to an organisation. The ability to created shared meaning about what needs to be done and why, so that employees get excited and are clear about the future they are helping to create together.

Words create our worlds and Judith E. Glaser in her work with many organisations discovered that when we change just one or two words in a conversation we change everything. Paying close attention to our non-verbal cues and we become more sensitive to the impact they are having. What happens at the moment of contact defines the relationship.   Putting our relationships before task means we don’t only partner with our people, we build high levels of TRUST which Judith called the Neuroscience of  WE.

 

The Neuroscience of WE – Building Skills That Achieve Results

 

To help teams get to the root of an issue Judith developed a program that taught people the skills to Achieve Results – which I have often used in my work with clients.

 

STAR SKILLS

Skills That Achieve Results

  1. Build Rapport – focuses on getting on the same wavelength with the person you are talking with. We create rapport instinctively, it is our natural defence from conflict. Our body language plays a big part in building rapport, how we show up, others will show up. Watch how people communicate and build rapport in the work place when having a conversation – are they relaxed, open and welcoming or guarded and closed?
  1. Listening without judgement – paying full attention to the other person while they are speaking and resisting the need to judge or reject, formulate your response in your mind. Research confirms that we go in and out of listening every 18 seconds. Make yourself available to what the other person is really saying. 
  1. Asking discovery questions – open your mind to the power of curiosity, as well as the possibility of changing our views as we listen and learn. Be open and receptive to understanding the other persons point of view.
  1. Dramatise your message – this creates a healthy trusting relationship. Try different ways to communicate. Telling a story or using a metaphor. When you fully understand the other person, you are more likely to get back what you give.
  1. Celebrate success – focuses us on seeing and validating “What success looks like” and a commitment to celebrate when this is achieved. Appreciate one another’s point of view.

 

The words we use in conversations are rarely neutral. Words have histories formed by years of use. These words get activated during conversations and by understanding how words trigger different parts of the brain and stimulate behaviours and habits, you can develop and grow your Conversational Intelligence to build a healthier, more resilient organisation.