The Power of Being Heard

The way you show up to have a conversation is how others will show up – I explain this to every client I work with. Let’s think about this – we are all experts at personalising situations. Remember the last time your boss or your colleague or your spouse showed up and you knew immediately what kind of mood they were in? They didn’t have to say a single word, and yet, your immediate impulse was to check in with yourself – what have I done?

We’re experts on reading other people’s actions, and others know how to read ours. But how aware are we of our own actions?

Dr Jo Dispenza in his book “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” explains it this way – We have 60 – 70 thousand thoughts a day – 90% of which are the same as the day before.
The same thoughts will always lead to the same choices – the same choices create the same behaviours – the same behaviours will produce the same experience – the same experience will create the same emotions and those same emotions and feelings drive the same thoughts.
 
If you keep doing that for a long enough period, your biology, your neuro circuitry, your genetics, your emotional state, and your internal chemistry literally become a reflection of your mind, so that that Identity, your personality, is made up of how you think, how you act and how you feel.
 
So if you feel you are not being heard, your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviours need to change. 

Others will listen when they feel connected to you, and your connection begins within the first few seconds of coming together. If your thoughts and intentions don’t align with your actions, these signals will be decoded by others at a very low level of trust.

Neuroscience now shows that within 7 seconds  the  brain determines if you are a friend or foe based on your body language, which is created by your thoughts and feelings – negative thoughts – negative body language – positive thoughts – positive body language.  The way you show up will be the way others show up. 


Your ability to be heard also depends on your habits of connection, Julian Treasure in his TED talk – “How to speak so people will listen” calls these habits the 7 Deadly sins.

  • Judging – speaking ill of others
  • Negativity – negative people are hard to listen to
  • Complaining – viral misery – listen to the story you tell 
  • Excuses –always blaming others
  • Exaggeration – over embellishing the truth which ends up becoming lies
  • Dogmatism –  My way – confusion of fact with opinion

Your habits of speaking powerfully can change your relationships and influence those around you.

  • Honesty –  being true, straight and clear
  • Authenticity – be yourself, why try and be someone else
  • Integrity – be your word – Your actions tell the truth
  • Love – wishing people well and not judging

To Be Seen: The Power of Visibility

Welcome to the first of a series of articles on Being Seen, Heard and Remembered – creating the Power of Personal Presence.

Considering that Visibility (your look) is 55 percent of your communication – we communicate without saying a single word. Visibility starts in your head – how you see yourself – what you think of yourself, your abilities and your confidence. Visibility starts with you. Others will see what you feel.

The Power of Visibility is incredibly undervalued by many business owners, CEO’s, executives and managers – in fact if you feel you have been overlooked for that position you have wanted, or feeling great work you do is not being appreciated, attracting that client into your business, or even meeting that person you want to attract into your life. Ask yourself who you see in the mirror and then start observing what others might see.

Personal Presence is not only about what you wear, the colour of your hair or matching your shoes with your bag – yes, the outer you is as important as the inner you – so where do you begin?

Being seen is about your whole look – self-awareness, your body language, your posture, your mindset, your thoughts and the stories you tell yourself. When someone first meets you, what is the perception you create in their minds – does it match the perception you have of yourself? 

Your level of confidence plays a big part in being seen. Think about the people that have stood out in your life, what is it about them that caused you to notice them. Who do you look up to and why, and then think about what you would like to adopt from them.

Start becoming an observer of your own thoughts and actions and catch yourself out behaving in ways that are not serving you or are aligned with your goals, personal and professional. What experiences are you holding yourself back from?

Here are a few questions you might like to reflect on:

  • How happy are you with the job you have right now?
  • What is the mindset you have adopted?
  • What are the stories that you tell yourself about you?
  • Do you blame others for what you are missing out on?
  • Do you consider yourself confident?
  • Do you keep up to date and lead by example?
  • Do you have attractive body language?
  • Do you have a professional image?
  • What are you known for?
  • Do I take the time to plan my wardrobe for my personal/professional life?

If you can’t say yes to at least 5 or 6 of these questions, perhaps it’s time to get some clarity around how visible you are or would like to be.

Coming up:  The Power of Being Heard


Ondina runs workshops on: 

The Power of Self Awareness

Self Awareness is about getting you seen, heard and remembered for what you do.

Self-awareness allows us to challenge these 3 areas of our life:
  • How you LOOK – First impressions, body language, dress, passion, energy, environment.
  • How you SOUND – Voice quality, word choices, and your ability to have meaningful conversations
  • How you ACT – deals with attitude and character, communication style, habits and behaviors.

95% of what you do and don’t do is determined by your habits.

Being Self-Aware allows you to take control of your thinking, rather than allowing your thinking to take control of you.

BOOK NOW – Sydney – June 7th

BOOK NOW – Canberra – June 28th

How to handle going back to work (without crying at your desk)

Listening to the ABC early last week, a conversation about going back to work and why people are getting that feeling of fatigue and lethargy caught my attention – I was surprised when the conversation led to there being a scientific term for these feelings “Social Jet Lag”

I could relate to this feeling in my first few days back at work so I decided to investigate this further – I found a couple of articles on the subject which I wanted to share with you – because if you didn’t take out time to plan while you were on holiday you may not be inclined to do it in the first week back at work!

 

The Telegraph UK  Claire Cohen

“Returning to our normal routine of early nights and waking up in the dark can induce what’s been dubbed ‘social jet lag’

The first step is to embrace the blues. Because they’re not your fault. Researchers have found that the negative emotions associated with the end of the festive period, plus two weeks of irregular sleep patterns (not to mention irregular breakfast patterns) can throw our body-clocks out of synch and make us feel jet-lagged.

Returning to our normal routine of early nights and waking up early can induce what’s been dubbed ‘social jet lag’. Symptoms might include: feeling sluggish, struggling to sleep, indigestion, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, memory problems, clumsiness, lack of energy and general fatigue.

“Don’t grumble about the end of the holidays, or get caught up in your colleagues’ stories of insane parties or hilarious new year’s resolutions.”

 “Try to arrive at your desk in the morning with all the positive mental attitude you can muster.

“Be organised the night before – choose your clothes for the next day, find your train pass and work security pass, step away from the wine and cheese and go to bed early,” she explains.

Louisa Symington-Mills

“Don’t use the period post- festive break as an excuse to slack. It won’t look good.”

read full article

 

Going back to work?

Beware the ‘social jet lag’ that will leave you sluggish and sleepy

Social jet lag is described as the difference between biological time and external requirements.

As well as affecting adults, it also causes a problem for teenagers, who will find it difficult to wake up for school
Taking the whole Christmas and new year period off work could leave you with a type of jet lag when you return, scientists say.

They claim the extra-long festive break interrupts our body clocks and leaves them with symptoms similar to having travelled to a different time zone.

Read more

For the first week back at work, ask yourself this one question:

 “What’s the one thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”

Gary Keller from his book The One Thing.

 

In our Self Mastery workshops, we talk about six areas of focus

  • Your Values – who you are, what you hold dear, what underlies the decisions are all connected to your values
  • Your Intentions – decide what you really want
  • Your Thoughts – change your thoughts – change your life
  • Your Conversations – your words can change worlds
  • Your Habits – we first make our habits, then our habits make us.
  • Your Accountability – your actions tell the truth

When you can Master yourself, you are well on your way to mastering other things in your life.

 

A Drive to be More – the third Characteristic of Personal Presence

Following on from High self-esteem,  the third characteristic of a powerful signature presence is drive.

We all know someone who is driven.  We recognise it as passion, total focus, high achievement, and commitment. I believe that different things drive people; some are driven by money, and can be seen continually striving to earn more and have more.  Others can be driven by significance, their feeling of importance, meaning and substance. Power can be a driver for status, achieving a powerful position in work and in life. Power can personal, like having the power over a situation, another person or thing, a habit they want to conquer, or an obsession to get the job done.

A drive to be more is not just about being driven in the sense of money significance, power or status.  It is about having the self-awareness and the drive to be better tomorrow than you are today. It is also about forming habits to get you closer to your goals, accepting responsibility, continually rising above the limitations you put on yourself and moving out of mediocrity.

A drive to be more comes from having a sense of purpose, a vision for a better future and a strong respect for yourself and others.

How self-aware are you of your habits, your behaviour, your thoughts and your stories? What would others say about you? Do you ever get curious about how others perceive you?

If you have continual negative or limiting thoughts about yourself in your conscious mind (yes that is the mind chatter, or that voice in your head that narrates everyday life) – then your subconscious is led to believe that this is true. Your subconscious is a very useful tool, but cannot differentiate between a thought and a fact, so the result is that the negative thought or limiting belief becomes ‘true’.  Now your subconscious mind will help you ‘live down’ to that.  Wouldn’t it be much more helpful, useful and positive to use our conscious and subconscious mind to ‘live up’ to things instead??

To discover what drives you – ask yourself the following questions:

  • How well do I know myself?
  • How important to me is a sense of continual personal development?
  • How much time and money do I invest in myself to develop my skills?
  • How important to me is living a fulfilling life?
  • How often do I take the time plan my life, or do I just live from day to day?
  • Can I see beyond the limiting beliefs that are holding me back?
  • How can I change my thoughts so that I am living up to the things I want?

Are you ready to put your life into drive and create a signature Personal Presence?

Join me at my upcoming one day intensive workshop The Power of Personal Presence being held on 7th September in Canberra and 14th September in Sydney.

Resource: James Scouller

High Self-esteem, the second quality of a Powerful Signature Presence

Following on from Personal Power, the next quality of a powerful signature presence is high self-esteem.

Some call it self-esteem some call it confidence, some believe it comes from self-awareness and mastering how to control how we feel, think and behave and then just before we walk through that door to our next function we have that conversation in our head about wishing we had more of it.

I have just spent the weekend with two hundred amazing people at the Professional Speakers Australia Convention 2016 on the Gold Coast.  There, I listened to speakers share stories about defining moments in their lives and how those moments changed them, their perspective and their actions. The impact their stories had on the people in the room, including myself was inspiring.

For me, I really connected with the story told by Tania de Jong from Creative Universe. As she wrapped up her presentation Voices of Innovation Tanya said, “we go through life with our music un-played, imagine if we could unlock a little more of the creative potential of our brain”.  By unlocking a little more self-esteem, you will increase your own potential.

Self-esteem flows from self-image, our overall opinion of ourselves – how we feel about our abilities and limitations. When self-esteem is healthy, people feel good when they are around us and we feel good around others. When we find our tribe, we stop comparing ourselves; we may aspire to be like others but we have our own unique thumbprint that cannot be changed to be like anyone else’s. The sooner we learn to be our unique selves, build on our own experiences and share our own stories the sooner we start to build our own self-esteem and confidence. With that confidence, comes a level of connection and empathy with others.

To increase your awareness around your own self-esteem, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. How much do I really like myself?
  2. How significant do I think my life is?
  3. How worthy do I believe I am of other people’s attention?
  4. How truly confident of my abilities am I?
  5. Are others as important to me as me?

Most of what you need is right there within you, waiting for you to tap into it. The kind of high self-esteem that attracts others to you is pure authenticity – being more of the person you already are, without the mental ticks that get in your way.

Does this sound like you? Are you ready to activate your self-esteem and create a Signature Personal Presence?

Join me at my upcoming one-day intensive The Power of Personal Presence being held on 11th May in Canberra and 25th May in Sydney.

Resources: James Scouller & Kristie Hedges

Personal Power the First Characteristic Needed to Create a Powerful Signature Presence

In my last post I wrote about the 10 Characteristics Needed to Create a Powerful Signature Presence. In this post and through following posts, I am going to break down those 10 characteristics needed and provide you with some of the tips you need to create a powerful presence.

When I first read Jack Canfield’s book – The Success Principles – the very first principle was that we need to take 100% responsibility for where we are in our lives right now.  This includes your level of achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings – everything!

This exercise really helped me to be clear on where I had and had not taken 100% responsibility. When I looked at the results, it became very clear and it wasn’t easy.  In fact most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don’t like. We blame our parents our bosses, our friends, the media, the government, the economy, the weather, our clients, our spouse – in fact anything we can pin the blame on – not looking at where the real problem is – ourselves.

Dr Robert Resnick has a very simple formula that makes the idea of 100% responsibility even clearer.  Here it is.

E + R = O

(Event + Response = Outcome)

To explain it simply, you can simply change your responses (R) to the event (E) the way things are, until you get the outcomes (O) that you want – this is the formula to Personal Power.Personal Power, the first on the 10 Characteristics Needed to Create a Powerful Signature Presence list, is about assuming full responsibility for your life and taking control of the things that you have the ability to change. It is about taking responsibility for the way that you think, the way that you communicate and by changing the pictures in your head i.e. your images of how you see yourself in the world.

Personal Power accepts that although we can’t always control everything that happens to us, we can decide our responses. Three simple questions you can ask yourself to measure your level of Personal Power is:

  1. Can I always choose my response to other peoples behavior or events?
  2. How much control over my life do I really have?
  3. Do I feel that I am the architect of my life, or do I have unwanted habits?

Personal Power is about the power we have over ourselves. It is not about the power that we wish to have over others. It doesn’t spring from the need to have power over others.  The importance of personal power is this – if you can’t take command over yourself, the inner you, the people that are around you will sense that.  This is where you need to not only talk the talk but also walk the talk.

If you take responsibility for your personal power you can increase your freedom and take control over how you act and respond, which in turn creates a more powerful presence.

If you would like to learn more or need help to build your presence to influence, simply book into one of my workshops. New dates for 2016 workshops have now been added.

If you have any questions or would like to discuss how I can help you to create your presence please contact me.

10 Characteristics Needed to Create a Powerful Signature Presence

We’re all experts at presence. I study it and believe it or not, you do too. Presence has many descriptions. One description is – the state or the condition of being present in a situation or with a person. We may also call it confidence, charisma, or being compelling, but either way we experience it when we meet someone with presence. When we meet someone with a strong presence, we can feel it and “If the person is a leader, we are inspired by it”, says Kristi Hedgers, the author of The Power of Presence.

When I first started delivering workshops on Personal Branding in my Canberra Studio, I did a lot of research on body language, how the sound of your voice has an effect on what people actually hear, how you looked and the value of first impressions. Since then and having worked with hundreds of clients in workshops and one on one, I have realised that there is a lot more to building our personal brand, but most importantly our presence over time.

Presence in one sentence is not just about how we look, sound and act, it’s about impressions made over time.

So what are some of the characteristics required to be able to create a powerful signature presence?

James Scouller who sets the basis on 7 components to creating a powerful signature presence include

  • Personal Power
  • High Self esteem
  • Drive to be more
  • Balance
  • Intuition
  • Being in the now
  • Peace and fulfillment

These 7 components combined with how you look, sound and act, is when your true presence reveals itself to other people. When you align your confidence and show that you are comfortable with how you present yourself, when you speak honestly and respectfully and give someone or something your undivided attention that is when you radiate a strong presence.

If you would like to know more about how to create a powerful signature presence, attend one of our workshops in Canberra or Sydney. Our last workshops for this year are being held on the 4th and 11th November respectively. Alternatively contact me today to book your free consultation for one on one sessions.

 

 

I found my way back and it feels great!

When I moved to Sydney two years ago, I had a pretty good idea how to Look, Sound and Act, I had run many workshops on Personal Branding, and still  my confidence levels plummeted. I felt I had lost my Identity, I found it difficult to be myself, trying to fit in, acting like I belonged, but that wasn’t how I felt, I felt like an outsider and totally disconnected in a big impersonal city.

This is not the easiest thing to admit but I realised I wasn’t taking my own advice. I did lose my confidence and knew I had to turn it around and start working on ME. People to my amazement started to engage with me, comment, listen to what I had to say and ask my advice. I WAS BACK!! and it felt great.

I want to share what I have learned with as many people as I can. We can have all the skills to do our job and yet we miss opportunities because we doubt ourselves.

Be sure to sign up to receive your copy of Create Your Personal Presence and receive regular updates with tips on how to Create Your Presence, style and personal branding.

Consider First Impressions Like First Lovers…

Can you remember your first date with someone you found attractive? I can!
How long did it take you to decide what you’re going to wear, how you would stand, speak, smile, you played it out in your mind, right?

And yet we have this important meeting with a potential client, a good impression to make on our boss, or a  job interview for a career move that will improve our lifestyle and we don’t go to as much trouble as our first date.

People size us up quickly and change their minds slowly. Researchers tell us that somewhere between eleven milliseconds and five minutes, people make judgments that do not differ from impressions made after much longer periods.

Dianna Booher says “packaging and preparation can pay off handsomely. Consider the difference packaging makes in how much you are prepared to pay for an item”. Presence has much to do with perception.

Know what works and what doesn’t

  • Look in the mirror and ask yourself, is this the best I can look today?
  • Know yourself and know whom you want to serve.
  • Consider your accessories, do you have a bulging handbag, tired shoes or worn out watch?
  • How do you move, sit, stand and present yourself.
  • Consider your first impression like first lovers, you rarely forget them.

Whenever you walk into a room, you assess the scene. Expect others to do the same.